Handle your divorce with grace under fire: Divorce Daily Dollop 3

I once read a story about a French aristocrat who wore all of his finery as he was being taken to the guillotine during the French Revolution. When someone from the crowd called out "why do you bother with your finery", the aristocrat was quoted as replying, "Because. When one is dressed like a king, one does not yap like a dog."

Ah, yes, we know of this concept. Today we refer to it as "grace under fire".

When we move through a divorce we are faced with challenges from many directions. First, and foremost, we have our own inner world to contend with - fears, anxiety, unhappiness, sadness, frustrations, anger. Then on top of our feelings there might be other external stresses - our job, children, the ex, lawyers, family members, finances, decisions, choices, and so forth. All pushing emotional buttons, sometimes all on the same day.

Like anything else, we have a choice regarding how we will respond to these emotional challenges. We can choose to sob, lash out at others, lash out at ourselves, we can let ourselves go, turn to drugs or alcohol, the list of destructive, messy responses is endless. In other words, we can "...yap like a dog..."

Or, instead we can choose to accept, at our inner core, the realization that no matter how painful it might be, we are on an inevitable course - one that has a beginning, a middle, and a future that will find us in a different emotional place. What we can do now is firmly embrace this acceptance and hold onto to it during each and every storm; we can wear our finery, wear our real selves, and choose "grace under fire."

A number of years ago one of the networks did a Candid Camera type show focused on people who were put in unpleasant circumstances and then filmed. People were cut off in traffic, inconvenienced in store lines, bumped on a sidewalk, all sorts of frustrations were used. I remember, even as I laughed, being shocked as I watched mostly ordinary people turn themselves into beings that I knew if only they could see themselves behaving as they were they would also be shocked and remorseful.

There's nothing like seeing rudeness, bad behavior, screwed up faces, fists and fingers to make one reflective "Is that the face I want to portray to the world?" I know it changed me. And even during my darkest times, while I was dealing with my own divorce, when some aspect would twist in a new and terrible way, I would recall this show and these people, and it would help me keep perspective, allow me to behave in a manner consistent with who I really am as a person.

You, too, have it within you to move with grace through the challenges you face. It just takes a conscious effort on your part to want your behavior to reflect who you are.

If you'd really like to know more than a "dollop" about managing your emotions there are several excellent books out there; here are a few:

.....The Mood Cure: the 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions Today by Julia Ross

.....Anger Management for Dummies by W. Doyle Gentry PhD

To search for more books on emotional control click here SEARCH AMAZON FOR MORE BOOKS ON EMOTIONAL CONTROL.

To search for more books on anger management click here SEARCH AMAZON FOR MORE BOOKS ON ANGER MANAGEMENT.

To search for more books on stress management click here SEARCH AMAZON FOR MORE BOOKS ON STRESS MANAGEMENT.

See, also, Best* Books on Divorce posted 8/26/09 on this web site.

Today's Daily Dollop: GRACE UNDER FIRE

Extra helping: Even the act of smiling and laughing will release endorphins and make you feel better, whether or not you actually heard or saw something humorous. Once a day for the next 3 days go to a mirror and simply smile. Then laugh or chuckle, whatever you feel the most comfortable doing. Do this for a full minute, then stop. You should feel a bit lighter, even if just from the foolishness of it! This exercise is probably best done when you are alone - or you might be misunderstood!

Daily Affirmation: I am a capable person. I can meet my challenges with courage and intellect. I respond to provoking situations with courage, thoughtfulness, respect, and intelligence. I put my genuine self forward not my emotions.

Empowerment words to think or say throughout the day: courage...solid...understood...relaxed